Over the last training weekend where I connected to Artha for the Spring Equinox I embraced my inner Maiden once again. Over the last year I thought that I needed to accept adulthood, mature and move on with life. I toughened up, released outdated ideas and opinions, experienced new things. I completed University and got a new job. But during this weekend I got in touch with the wild maiden I used to be as a child, and who I still am now. The Wild Maiden is free, happy, excited, strong and brave. Bridie taught me to empower the Maiden I had been trying to repress, and to embrace that innocent playfulness of youth. Artha is teaching me to be wild, fun and free.
I was unable to fully join in with this month's Red Tent as I was working. I was disapointed by this and instead of making the most out of the short time that I was lucky enough to have in the Tent, I was rather dejected instead. A couple of days later I was also unable to accompany friends to Glastonbury as I was working again, and this really bothered me. I was not angry with my friends at all, I was having a strop at my own misfortune - feeling sorry for myself.
In the car on the way to work that morning I called Artha's name when I was feeling low. She immediately stepped forward and revealed to me that I was embodying the moody teenager. "I don't want to go to school today! I want to go out with my friends! It's not fair!..." Artha extended Her hand to me. You can sit here, holding on to this sulk and make yourself miserable and your friends guilty, or you can let go of these feelings, give them to me and release yourself. And I reluctantly did so. And felt instantly happier. When I got to work I couldn't remain cross. I enjoy my job too much, and I had chosen to let the sulk go.
It reminded me of a scaled down version of my relationship break up. I had chosen to hold on to my pain, to the feeling of being mistreated and wrong-done-by. I resented it all so much, and was so angry that the only gratification I could get was wallowing in it, feeling that the intensity of my sorrow would cause me shame upon the wrong-doer. It didn't. I just hurt me more. And so I chose to let it go. And again, over this weekend with Artha she reminded me that what She - The Goddess - did was for the best, and I know it, and so I should let the anger of it go.
Artha is teaching me to release the fire of resentment and anger, and to replace it with the flame of vitality and creativity. I listened to music on the train home today and was filled with butterflies and I imagined myself dancing to the drums on a hilltop - my wild maiden dancing free.