To connect with the Goddess of water this season we were asked to take a ceremonial bath with Her. I added rose oil to the water, lit a candle and incense and submerged myself.
I closed my eyes and decided to journey to her in a meditation. The last thing I saw before closing my eyes was the steam rising from the water, so naturally it was not to the sea that I journeyed, but to Sulis’s pre-Roman hot spring.
The green and orange water was out in the open and surrounded by foliage. Two pools were made at either side so that people could bath without losing contact with the bottom. I was one of a group of women, Her Priestesses, who stood around the spring together. We asked Her to help us protect this place and all joined hands together. A Priestess asked us what we would request of Sulis. I said that I ask for the ability to let go of things that I am needlessly carrying. I was then told to go to the river and wash these things away.
I then knelt in the orange river that left the spring and asked Her to help me release and let go of my past, to wash it away. Sulis spoke very clearly to me. She said that She would take these feelings and memories and carry them away. Nothing disappears though; She cannot make it go away and be forgotten. She can transform it (like Kerridwen’s cauldron). These past events are a part of my story. They are needed. Once I understand what their purpose is I can begin to heal and lose the resentment for it.
It was similar to how Domnu previously told me She would not take away my fear, but She would help me challenge it:
In my meditation in Chalice Well, Domnu had stroked my hair and told me She would not take away my fear, when I asked Her to. Instead She would guide me into facing my fears, as I have done in the past. I know that I am capable of this. On Tuesday I went for a University interview for a course I was clearly not enthusiastic about. During the interview process I realised it wasn't what I wanted. I wasn't going for it for the right reasons, even if it might be a useful opportunity. It reaffirmed what I actually wanted, to directly follow my career dreams and reach for my PhD. Fear delayed me from pursuing this, but it is definitely what I want.
I have come to see that this is my fight or flight response. I have always wanted to flee from trouble. Like when I went to my ex-boyfriend’s home to avoid my own. How I deny my feelings or tip-toe around confrontation. How I never challenged my ex for his bad treatment and escaped it with rose-tinted glassed. How I didn’t want to stay in my university town due to its associated memories, so I fled…
She is holding up the mermaid’s mirror. Not just in showing me this part of myself, but as a challenge, to look and confront it for a change.
Back in the meditation Sulis came behind me and wrapped me in Her arms. We both shared wild red hair, and She wore a cloak the colour of moss and the olive green water. She was more maternal than I had expected, based on modern artwork I’d seen of Her.
The second part of the meditation involved walking into the sea with Domnu. Rather than an anthropomorphised Goddess She was the smiling water itself. She was happy to be carrying me on Her waves. An overwhelming message from Her here was that we need to take care of Her too. As humans we’ve learnt to take control over nature; with this control we can also heal and protect Her too. What am I waiting for?