The journey began at the base of the Tor as the sun was preparing to set. Instead of ascending I entered the Chalice Well garden at its side, going through the two yew trees that create a loop together, going through the yonic gateway.
I first headed up the rose filled garden towards
the well, as the sky gradually turned pink with dusk. Behind the well I saw the
Goddess, as part of the tree, legs akimbo as the roots and a serene expression
on Her beautiful wooden face. Little lights glistened in the trees around this
place and as I looked into the red well I asked Her, “What can I offer you?”
Her voice said, “What can you give?” Looking into Her red womb-well, I thought,
I can give birth.
I thanked Her and returned down the garden to the vesica piscis pool. The sky was a deep
pink, orange and red now. The Goddess sat atop the running waters, above the
red pool, Her legs wide as the water poured from Her. Long hair hid Her naked
torso, and it looked as if She was made of sandstone. I asked again Her, “What can
I offer you?” and She replied, “What are you able to give?” I looked at Her
trickling waters falling on the ground of the red pool. I am able to give you my blood.
I touched the water and began to bleed, so I
collected this in my red chalice and then dripped it into Her water. Gold and
red flowers emerged either side of the running stream from this pool and so I
turned to look at it.
This is then where I saw Rhiannon on Her white
horse at the front of the garden. She had long flowing red hair and beckoned me
to join Her. She removed Her veil and trailing clothes, and so did I, so that I
could sit right behind Her, our bodies pressed together. She was like an older
sister, who I trusted completely and who wanted to teach me. We began to ride
and was afraid of falling. She made me confront this fear of running wild with
the white mare. As I clung tightly to Her She became one with me and I rode
extremely fast by myself, giving in to the speed.
The horse lead me around the Tor to the entrance I
have visited in the past. A pool is always outside of the cave mouth but this
time, as I dismounted, a full river ran into the cave (rather than the
trickling stream I have seen before). The sun suddenly set. I could see a
flickering flame inside the cave and out cave a boat to lead me inside. I
mounted the boat and felt exhilarated by floating along the dark river.
The cave smelt like blood, like iron and water as
we began to wind around many dark, red tunnels. I felt afraid again as my mind
would not conjure up a shore anywhere. I felt lost in the centre of the Tor’s
watery maze. Three bells chimed and the boat turned to see three hooded women
standing, not quite on a shore, and not quite in the water. They asked me,
“What are you willing to give?” I thought back to the previous times a similar
question had been asked. What can you
give? What are you able to give? What are you willing to give? Potential.
What I can give now. Willingness. This question was scarier than before. My
mind trailed to, “I can give my consent, I can go willingly, I can give my
willing surrender” and the boat vanished as I sank into the red waters to the
bottom. I hoped to materialise elsewhere, by I remained there, floating under
Then a token was thrown to me, a silver horse
brooch and I held onto it. A white horse emerged beneath the surface and lifted
me above water. I held onto its neck as it led me out of the Tor to the
entrance. We both emerged to a new dawn outside of the cave and I saw the
horses sparkling silver-white coat. I tried to touch he (I felt the horse was a male
rather than a mare?…) but he moved away. I bowed and then he bowed to me. I
understood. I was not to ride him. I was to run with him, and without
hesitation I began to run away from the cave with him and soon transformed into
a white horse myself. We ran powerfully back the garden.
The horse became a sparkling white Rhiannon who
smiled at me as I returned to human form, before shrinking into faery size,
then flying into my heart and becoming one with me again. I then was covered in
sparkles, silver skin and flowing hair. I gave my thanks to the Goddess before
returning back through the looped trees.