The Mermaid grooming on the rock...
And the Mermaid who dives into the deep sea...
Our Red Tent this month involved exploring True Beauty, beyond the medias standards and beyond our own. It raised things within my that I had buried. I expect myself to be confident in myself but I appear to be just as self-deprecating as everyone else.
I have been told overwhelmingly to surrender to Her flow. I hold standards that even I myself fail to reach, leading to an overall feeling of dissatisfcation in life. The feelings of betrayal and hurt that I felt last year have been carried over to new situations out of habit for feeling them. I am obsessed with planning and obtaining my goals as soon as possible, especially those that require patience. I'm frankly exhausted by my own mind! I am bored with sulking over what has passed and what falls short today. Nothing can be gained from that. It is self-destructive, and who wants to be a victim when they can be a warrior Goddess?
I danced in the Red Tent on the 13th. I swayed with the Goddess within and She showed me who I could be. She showed me being a person who smiles all of the time, who is wild and free and goes with the flow of life. All it takes is a change of perspective and attitude. I have to make that choice.
I am beautiful when I smile, when I am kind, when I am dancing.
This month I have again had a resounding demand to surrender! I faced a meltdown of emotion regarding my feelings for my partner. How much easier it is to say, 'I'm not bothered that he's going off to University without me, I'll do my own thing', 'If you want to see other people when you're away that's fine too, I get it'. Admitting vulnerability, that you'll be sad without them, that you are frightened they'll find someone 'better', is much harder. And so I have been putting up a barrier of protection, of coldness. All that will result from this is a one-sided relationship where neither of us feels complete or contented. And so I decided to let go. To risk being hurt again. Because that's what love is. It's surrender. And we surrender to love.
Love is not always logical. I cannot be contained by a set of rules and it cannot always be predicted. Love is the heart and so I need to come out of my mind about it.
It's taking me a while for this message to sink in. Rhiannon wants me to feel in this moment. Domnu wants me to flow and release myself to the tides of love. This applies to my relationship and much more.
Domnu is bringing me to confront fear and stop fleeing. I have to dive into the deep and face it all. Like a stern mother, she is insisting that this is what I have to do. Fear will be there no matter what. Bravery is what I need to embrace, instead of running away.