Looking out at the Tor
I ignored Her summons and continued with life. And I began to regret it as a missed chance.
Later came our Lammas training weekend and as previously discussed, the earth mother beckoned me to the Isle. I was filled with longing to live there, to call it home, to fly the nest. And then the day after the Lady of Avalon Goddess conference began. Naturally the Lady summoned me again. I felt filled with knowing that I needed to move here, and suddenly understanding that it was in fact possible. Why had I not seen that before?
I prayed and battled that whole week. I even looked around a couple of houses! I had a battle in my heart - stay on the path towards a career in heritage, or change my life and devote myself as a Priestess. I'm young, I can have both in my life, but I need to know what path to tread right now. I said to Her, if I leave my job and move to Glastonbury, I will be abandoning my dreams of working in heritage... But She called back, 'Do you not think I have a plan for you?...'
I knew She was calling me and I decided to surrender this time. To say YES to Her. To follow Her voice. I decided to follow the path of a Priestess.
Shortly after coming home I contacted a landlord and committed to a room. That very day I was offered a heritage interview! She challenged me: Do you really want to do this? I turned the interview down. I was determined to move. I was elated and proud, and nervous. I searched for jobs and got an interview for a retail one.
I was offered a good opportunity in a store, which filled me with confidence, but not with hope. I soon became afraid, doubtful and sad to be leaving my beautiful Welsh mountain home. I began to worry that I'd made a mistake. the whole time anticipating moving for this job I did not feel right. I should just deal with it, it would pay the rent and enable me to move. I would not back out, but I was not happy about it.
Goddess was again testing me. Are you willing to move to my Isle, even if you have to do this job? I gritted my teeth. Yes. I am willing. Even if it just didn't feel right inside. It wasn't just that I didn't want to do this job, it was more than that, a more intuitive feeling.
Another opportunity arose. A perfect opportunity. Another job in the Goddess House. I applied, with the fire raging inside me, and I was offered an interview.
The weekend of my dedication I went to this interview, and as with any job you apply for that you really want, I didn't feel prepared enough and could not anticipate how I did in the interview. As I revelled in the Goddess energies of that special weekend I prayed to Her, 'I am coming to your Isle, to surrender to your call. I am coming to serve You as Priestess. I cannot fully do this working full time in a shop in the town next door... If you called me, is it for this Goddess House job? You gave me another chance..."
I've been offered the job!
I surrender. I say YES to You Goddess!
I am so ecstatic and nervous, and proud, greatful, amazed, scared! It is a lot of pressure to prove myself during my probation period. But I have so much to give. I feel like a young training Priestess arriving upon the Shores of Avalon on the barge, coming to learn how to serve Her. I have been so blessed! I will arrive on the Shores on the new moon... a new beginning and in time to prepare to meet Cerridwen. I know I will go into the cauldron. I know this will still be tough, and I will experience self-doubt and fear. But going to the Dark Lady is not always pain. I can find courage with Her, fighting spirit, independence and unconditional love.
What a perfect way to dedicate as a Sister of Avalon. My dedication vow was all about being fully alive, in celebration of life, to speak up and be heard, to learn about Her Herstory, and to remember Who I Am, as Priestess on Her Isle. Could this be how I do that?
THANK YOU GODDESS